how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
this hospital has no fireball
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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