booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
