Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
