my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
