me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
