hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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