Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
