I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
