fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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