brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
