If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
