Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
