Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
