oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
God, I missed his penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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