pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
