He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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