I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
