I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
