No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
