i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
