It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
