i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
