i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
