2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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