A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
