I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
