Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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