Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
