There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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