he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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