hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
