I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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