i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
