She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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