My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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