I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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