Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep