Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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