Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
