My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
