i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
