Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
