I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
