my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
