i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
