Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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