Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
