she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
