is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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