god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
