Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
