wat bout pragnant strippers??
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
