Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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