I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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