how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
