$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
