Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
