I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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