Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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