I should be sponsored by Trojan
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
