According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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