If i come over, it means nothing
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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