You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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