He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
