wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
