Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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