South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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