Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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