not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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