In the future we'll all be gay
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
