It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize