11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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