dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
