I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
