So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
