He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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