Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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