yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how does that bad decision feel?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
