i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
