Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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