I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
someone owes me an orgasm
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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