I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
