k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
