i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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