i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
