Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
