uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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