I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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