my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
