2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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