The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
