she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
