broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
